


Future Is Ours To Create

by featherlight221b



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: (the wedding is naegiri's), Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Multi, Past Character Death, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Terminal Illnesses, The Biggest Most Awful Most Tragic Event in Human History (Dangan Ronpa), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wedding, descriptions of enoshima's brainwashing, descriptions of what remnants of despair did to their friends and family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29640471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherlight221b/pseuds/featherlight221b
Summary: Komaeda glances down at his robotic arm and inspects it, as if he forgot it was there.“Well, it’s certainly a better alternative to having a dead girl’s hand attached there,” he says and yeah, he’s got a point. “Ah, of course it’s not the same as a real hand, but… personally I think it’s kind of cool. Makes me look like out of a sci-fi movie or something.”“It does look cool,” Hajime agrees. “Souda did a great job there.”Komaeda hums in agreement. “As expected of the Ultimate Mechanic.”Even if he was also a member of the Ultimate Despair, even though they all were? What does Komaeda think about any of this now? Does he still think they should have all died? Hajime wants to ask, but he doesn’t, because it’s nice, sitting in the library together and talking normally, and if Komaeda doesn’t ruin it first then Hajime doesn’t want to do that either. Who knows for how long this will last.*Or: the Remnants of Despair try to make a life for themselves on Jabberwock Island. It's not always easy.
Relationships: Class 77 & Hinata Hajime, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto
Comments: 28
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am super excited to start this fic. I've been thinking for a while what the Remnants' lives would look like post canon and also what exactly where they up to when in despair. This fic will show how I imagine it and it will probably take around eight chapters. Enjoy!

Hajime’s dreams are a reminder that things are still far from alright. Not all of them are nightmares, but they’re rarely pleasant and even those that seem peaceful and happy on the surface are all revolved around the events inside the Neo World program or around what happened shortly before the Tragedy. He dreams of the Tragedy itself as well, a blurry mix of his hazy memories and imagination, but it’s not what bothers him the most. (Sometimes, he’s almost grateful that his subconsciousness doesn’t let him forget, makes sure he remembers what they’ve all caused and why they have to try and do what they can to make up for it). The worst of the dreams are the ones about his friends, bringing back images that are harsh proof that none of them are healed yet. It’s something that was easy to let slip from their minds for a moment when they went to save Makoto Naegi, adrenaline rushing through their veins along with the exhilaration caused by the knowledge that they were all not only alive but doing something good, working together on the side of hope.

They’re still broken and not yet fully free from despair. It’s not discouraging, no, Hajime believes in all of them – he has _hope_ , but the fact that they have a long way to go means there’s a lot of hard work to do, more than a lot, and he’s trying his best, they all are, but it’s – tiring, just a bit, just some days.

He likes the life on Jabberwock Island. Despite all that this place makes him think of, it’s not half bad here. It’s… peaceful. Calm. It’s a place that gives them the time and space they need to get better, to work through everything. He appreciates it. He likes being here with everyone, getting to enjoy their time together without the constant fear of someone getting murdered and having another class trial, without Monokuma watching their every move, without the feeling of being imprisoned. It’s been a while since they were actual high school students, but it’s like they finally get to be classmates and make up for the years they lost because of _her_.

It still gets exhausting, from time to time, when he remembers they can’t show their faces outside of the island, that they can’t see their families, that they’ll always be the ones responsible for the end of the world even if none of them meant for that to happen. It gets exhausting when there’s too much to do and not enough energy in any of them to bother, when they snap and argue and someone has to put an end to the arguments, when some of them relapse, when it hits him very forcefully just how fragile the life they built for themselves here is and how important is the task of trying to keep it all together.

“I can finish this for you, if you wish to go to sleep earlier today,” Sonia tells him as he empties his third cup of coffee, halfway through writing his report to Naegi.

Hajime shakes his head but still gives her a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Sonia, but it’s alright. I don’t sleep well even if I _do_ try to go to bed at a normal time anyway,” he says. He wonders if she has similar troubles, how she’s coping. He’s not sure if it’s a question he should ask. “But you should take care of yourself, you don’t need to stay here with me.”

She’s done her tasks for today already and is now knitting a scarf that he assumes must be for Gundham, as no one else would wear a scarf on a tropical island. It’s something that he thinks can wait, unlike the reports to the Future Foundation, but Sonia frowns at the suggestion.

“I need to get this finished soon, so I can start making a sweater for Mahiru, and it seems like I can only find enough free time this late,” she says.

Hajime hums thoughtfully. He supposes it makes sense.

“I didn’t know you were into knitting,” he says.

“I wasn’t. But I find it… relaxing. You should try it too sometimes.”

“Maybe I will. Or, at least, once I’m done with this,” he adds, gesturing at the papers before him.

Right, he should get back to that. There’s many things that need to be mentioned, from the list of supplies they need to a response to Naegi’s offer of sending them a therapist from the Future Foundation. Then there’s the issue of how to best explain that they accidentally destroyed the movie venue three days ago or that Souda asked for a bunch of tools that could potentially be used for building dangerous weapons but no, Hajime is positive that’s not his goal.

“Is he doing alright?” Sonia asks. “Naegi, I mean.”

“I think so,” Hajime says, blinking at the last sentence he’s written and trying to force his brain to work and tell him if it’s grammatically correct or not. Looks like perfect grammar wasn’t one of the talents implanted into his brain. “Not that he talks much about his personal life in his emails, but from what I can tell things are going well at the Future Foundation and taking a turn for the better.” He smiles slightly as he finishes saying that.

The princess nods, content with the answer and once again they fall into silence. It’s not uncomfortable by any means, he’s pretty sure they’re both more than happy to just enjoy each other’s presence (and find comfort in it) quietly, with no need for talking too much. Both of them understand that well, being friends who’ve gone through similar things in the recent time. They’ve been spending more time together recently too. Sonia has been a great help with managing everything on the island and checking on everyone. She doesn’t seem to consider herself a leader of the group alongside him, but she’s acting as one regardless, perhaps even more than he is sometimes.

He laughs a little as it reminds him of a conversation they had still back in the Neo World Program.

“You know, it’s almost like that legend you told me about,” he points out. “Are we now trying to establish ‘something resembling order and prosperity’ here on Jabberwock Island?”

Sonia smiles at that. “I suppose we are. Perhaps with your talents you don’t even need to study thirty languages, economics, international law and diagnostic medicine anymore…”

“Weren’t those requirements to fulfill before marriage? I’m pretty sure we can do without that part,” he chuckles and then grins. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to come between you and Gundham.”

Sonia looks a bit startled by the comment and she looks away as her cheeks are colored a rosy pink.

“Me and Gundham? I… am not sure what you mean by that, Hinata,” she says.

“Right, sorry. I didn’t say anything,” he says.

Sonia coughs and then focuses intently back on knitting. Hajime wasn’t aware that whatever is happening between her and Gundham is any secret, it seems rather clear how close these two have become, how easily flustered they are around each other and how full of fondness the looks they share are. But perhaps they haven’t had the chance to talk about it yet, and so Hajime won’t press it any further. He believes they’ll sort everything out in their own time.

It takes him another hour and a can of Pepsi to finally finish the report. After reading over it for the last time, he eventually presses ‘send’, hoping his brain didn’t trick him into thinking everything was clear and coherent but then he’ll have to explain to Naegi why there are halves of sentences missing and what he actually meant to say.

Sonia leaves the restaurant at the same time he does. She doesn’t like staying there alone, he thinks. He offers to walk her back to her cottage, but she politely declines.

“I appreciate your offer, Hinata, but there is no need,” she says. “I simply don’t wish to be left alone with my thoughts at such an hour, but I can assure you I am fine.”

Well, that’s all that matters, he supposes. That they’re all alright, to some extent at least, and feel comfortable and know that they have others to rely on. That’s enough. It has to be, for now.

(Except perhaps Sonia isn’t fine, because maybe what Hajime said reminded her of her country and reminded her how it doesn’t exist anymore, which she probably was the cause of. Perhaps she’s suffering, like everyone here is, but she’s coping somehow and that’s good. That’s better than things realistically should be like.)

After getting back to his cottage, Hajime lies awake in bed. He’s tired and his eyes are closing on their own but his brain is insisting on keeping him from falling asleep. Maybe because subconsciously, he’s afraid of sleeping, of the dreams that will surely come. Still, staying awake isn’t a much better choice and so he waits, waits until finally his mind shuts down and the world around him goes blank.

It’s one of those nights where he’s blessed with not remembering what he dreamt about, but the day that comes after it isn’t easy. He already isn’t rested enough when he wakes up in the morning and it doesn’t help that when he gets to the restaurant he walks in on Hanamura having a breakdown in the kitchen. The cook is shaking and his eyes are glazed with tears as he curls up on the floor. He’s murmuring to himself, repeating the same words like a mantra, but it takes Hajime a moment to make them out from between the sobs coming from Hanamura.

“I didn’t, _I didn’t_ , I DIDN’T DO IT,” the man keeps saying to himself, his voice broken and desperate.

“Hanamura…?”

“ _I DIDN’T DO IT!_ ” Hanamura wails.

Hesitantly, Hajime steps further inside the kitchen.

“Hey,” he says gently. “Breathe. No one’s saying you did anything.”

“ _I DIDN’T!_ ”

“Okay. Okay.”

Hanamura falls silent, but he’s still trembling and his eyes are wide and scared. Hajime doesn’t know what he’s seeing at the moment, but he doesn’t doubt it’s terrifying. Eventually though, Hanamura’s breathing evens out a little although not by much and his gaze clears out just slightly as he blinks slowly.

“…Ah, m-my apologies, I…” he trails off, and the tears start streaming down his face and he shakes again.

“Do you want to take a break? I can finish preparing breakfast for everyone,” Hajime offers.

“No, no… what – what kind of chef would I be if… I can do this,” Hanamura says, standing up somewhat shakily.

Well. He _is_ the Ultimate Cook, so Hajime believes he really can.

“Alright. Do you, uh, need to talk about what… happened just now?”

Hanamura falls quiet. A moment passes, but he still doesn’t reply.

“Or… perhaps you’d rather write it down?” Hajime suggests.

“Ah… perhaps,” Hanamura says.

Hajime nods. “Okay. I’ll leave you now then?”

Hanamura lets out a weak chuckle. “Well, unless you’d rather keep me company, I sure wouldn’t mind if you – “

“I still need to talk to Sonia, I’ll see you later.”

Breakfast, at least, is a peaceful ordeal. Mitarai and Komaeda aren’t there, which is concerning, but the Imposter offers to take some food to Mitarai, and Hajime goes to check up on Komaeda once he’s finished eating his own breakfast. The guy’s shut himself in his cottage and refuses to come out, but at least he replies when Hajime knocks on the door and calls out.

“Why, there’s no need to worry, Hinata-kun, I’m doing quite well today!” he informs him through the door.

“That’s… good. But you still need to eat something,” Hajime says.

A few seconds pass.

“I’d rather eat later,” Komaeda tells him after a moment.

Hajime wants to argue, but he feels like he won’t get anywhere even if he tries.

“Okay. But promise that you will, alright?”

“… Alright, Hinata-kun. I promise I’ll get food later,” Komaeda agrees.

He lets out a relieved sigh.

“Okay,” he says. “Take care, Komaeda.”

He probably won’t.

There are still a lot of things to do today. Like helping Mioda clean out the music venue, being a witness to Owari and Nidai’s wrestling match and sparring with Pekoyama (because apparently Izuru Kamukura is the Ultimate Swordsman as well which means he’s the most – and probably the only – fitting training partner for Pekoyama). It takes out most of his energy, although it’s not exactly a bad day, because – he’s grateful, for having his friends and for being able to be here with them. He’s happy, being able to be there for them and support them.

He’s also grateful when he finally gets some time to himself in the afternoon, and so he goes to the library and picks up a book to read. It’s a thin medieval fantasy novel, but with a promising premise. The writing isn’t bad and from the first few pages the main character doesn’t seem too bad either. He’d appreciate it even more, except it’s difficult to read when his head begins to ache, more and more intensely as moments pass, and his sleepiness makes it hard to focus, blurring the words in front of his eyes. He blinks a few times, trying to wake himself up and clear his head, but to no avail as the page becomes even tougher to decipher.

He closes his eyes, just for a moment.

*

When he wakes up, it’s not on the hard surface of the table in the library that he was sitting by. Instead, there’s something soft beneath his head. It’s still not the most comfortable, somehow, but it’s still a better alternative. He raises his head, feeling slightly confused, and notices the green jacket folded into a neat pile that apparently is what served as his pillow. He raises his gaze higher and what comes to sight next is a half-empty cup of tea and Nagito Komaeda sitting in the chair opposite to him and reading. The dim light of the library lamp reflects in the metal of his left hand.

The man meets his gaze and smiles politely.

“Hello, Hinata-kun. You seem to have fallen asleep while reading,” he says.

It’s a bit strange, seeing Komaeda here, and Hajime realizes he hasn’t seen him at all in a few days now. He looks better than expected though, so perhaps he _has_ been eating when no one else is in the kitchen. Why he’s doing it – avoiding them, that is, Hajime has no idea. Does he think himself unworthy of being around them, after what he’s done in the Neo World Program? Or does he think _them_ unworthy of being here, alive. Except he’s talked to them after waking up and he’s helped them convince Mitarai to come to the island with them. (But then, maybe that was just a better option than letting the man brainwash the world with fake, artificial hope). It’s impossible to tell, like it often is with Komaeda. Because Komaeda is the kind of guy who’ll open up to you and then claim he’s lied about everything, except Hajime can _see_ the symptoms now – of both lymphoma and dementia. He’s the kind of guy who’ll look at you like you hung the moon one day and then tries to kill you and your friends the next with no explanation as to why he’s doing this all of sudden. Who’ll talk to you like you’re friends again, and then disappear for days without talking to anyone. And Hajime has questions. He has so many questions for Komaeda but he’s also so, so tired, and he doesn’t know if he wants to hear the answers right now.

“How’s your hand?” he asks him instead.

Komaeda glances down at his robotic arm and inspects it, as if he forgot it was there.

“Well, it’s certainly a better alternative to having a dead girl’s hand attached there,” he says and yeah, he’s got a point. “Ah, of course it’s not the same as a real hand, but… personally I think it’s kind of cool. Makes me look like out of a sci-fi movie or something.”

“It does look cool,” Hajime agrees. “Souda did a great job there.”

Komaeda hums in agreement. “As expected of the Ultimate Mechanic.”

_Even if he was also a member of the Ultimate Despair, even though we all were? What do you think about any of this now?_ _Do you still think we should have all died?_ Hajime wants to ask, but he doesn’t, because it’s nice, sitting in the library together and talking normally, and if Komaeda doesn’t ruin it first then Hajime doesn’t want to do that either. Who knows for how long this will last.

“What time is it?” he asks him.

Komaeda checks his wristwatch.

“Ah, a little past nine pm,” he says.

Hajime freezes.

“Shoot. I was supposed to work with Souda at eight, he – “

“I let him know that you were asleep and he said not to wake you up. I agree, you could definitely use some more rest, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda tells him. “Actually, you should really get back to your cottage and sleep there.”

“But – “

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda cuts him off gently. “The island won’t fall apart just because you go to sleep earlier today.” Then, his smile turns a little weird. Still polite, but at the same time condescending in a way. “It’s pretty arrogant to think it will, wouldn’t you agree?”

“That’s – I don’t – “he starts saying, but Komaeda keeps staring at him with the look that suggests that he’ll listen and nod but will still think what he wants to think inside his head, and Hajime falls silent. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts and sighs. “I guess I can head back to my cottage earlier today.”

Komaeda claps his hands together.

“Excellent,” he says. “In that case, Hinata-kun, allow me to walk you to your cottage, if it isn’t _too_ much of a bother.”

“Ah, yeah, it’s – it’s fine.”

Komaeda’s smile turns warmer – genuine? But then again, Komaeda is the kind of guy who’ll smile at you while plotting his own death for the sake of what he believes is the greater good, so Hajime doesn’t know how to feel about that smile.

The air outside is chilly that night, and he thinks that maybe the other is onto something with how he always carries a jacket with him, except he also wears that jacket in the middle of the day in summer and it’s honestly a wonder that Komaeda hasn’t yet collapsed from overheating. Maybe it’s his ultimate luck protecting him. Huh, perhaps it’s that what keeps him away from them. Because… it’s been this way before, right?

“You’ve been holed up in your cottage the past few days, I don’t think I’ve even seen you once,” he speaks eventually.

“Yes,” the other confirms.

“Why?”

Komaeda shrugs. “Well, everyone is troubled enough as it is. I thought it’d be best to keep myself at a distance.”

“But you don’t need to, you know that, right? I mean, I can’t speak for everyone but – if you worry your presence is unwanted, you don’t have to worry about that with me. And if it’s about your luck and what might happen because of it – well, I have luck too, so I’ll be okay,” Hajime tells him.

Komaeda is silent, thinking. His eyebrows are furrowed slightly, and his lips are twisted in a small frown. Then, his expression relaxes but at the same time he stops walking abruptly.

“Ah. We’re here,” he says.

Hajime blinks, but – Komaeda’s right, they’ve reached his cottage.

“Well. I suppose this is where we part, Hinata-kun,” the man says, a polite, formal small back on his face. “Sleep well.”

With that, he turns around and walks away. Hajime is left with no answers, so he goes inside his cottage and tries to fall asleep again.

*

When he’s asleep, he dreams of one of the last days in Neo World Program, when Komaeda blew up the hotel’s lobby and threatened to destroy the entire island if the traitor didn’t come forward.

It starts with Komaeda showing up at his door, telling him about how he has business with all of them, laughing humorlessly while wondering what _they_ had planned together against him, telling Hajime to come along since he needs him there as well even if he’s just a mere reserve course student with no talent. He tries to argue, tries to speak and tell him to stop, that he knows what will happen, that it’s not worth it, that Komaeda’s plan will fail and he’s going to die and the traitor is going to die and he won’t be there to finally see the downfall of the person he hates more than anything, that nothing good will come out of sacrificing himself to wipe out the Remnants of Despair. That there’s still a different hope that he can choose.

Komaeda doesn’t listen, or maybe the words never even leave Hajime’s mouth in the first place, and then he opens the door, except they never get to the lobby because there’s smoke and fire everywhere already and the Jabberwock Island is in ruins and Komaeda is laughing – his mad, unhinged laughter, louder and louder – and then it stops. It stops, and Komaeda isn’t there anymore, and his laughter is replaced by a different one – higher and female and sounding more delighted or even excited and by far more eerie.

He sees Komaeda again then, or rather his corpse, lying on the ground in front of him, a knife stuck in his hand and a spear pierced through his stomach. And then he keeps seeing them, his classmates, their dead bodies, as they appear around him. Mioda hanged to his left, Koizumi with her skull cracked open to his right, a headless Nidai next to her. He looks at them and feels sick, his mind keeps swirling and he doesn’t want to be seeing this but he is and the laughter only keeps growing closer. He doesn’t want to be trapped here, lost and scared and he tries to force himself to stop this, and tries and tries and tries again until he finally doesn't feel like throwing up, until his emotions become more dull and his headache eases.

By then, the laughter is right next to him and then he sees her. With blonde pigtails and long red fingernails, bear hairpins and a short red skirt, she skips around, jumping over the dead bodies, stomping on others, giggling like a twelve year old girl who just got asked out by her crush.

She looks straight at him then, her lips stretched into an unnatural grin.

“Doesn’t this make you feel nostalgic, Kamukura?” she asks cheerfully. “Kinda reminds you of our first date, doesn’t it?”

Irritation sparks within him as she speaks to him, as she gets closer and he can smell the horrid perfume that she used in the early days of the Tragedy when she still dragged him around everywhere. She stands on Komaeda’s corpse, propping herself up on the spear as she talks to him.

“Hey, hey, doesn’t it? Won’t you answer me? Come on, Kamukura, I’m talking to _you_ ,” she says, tilting her head as she looks up at him.

He could crush her, he thinks, if he wanted to. And yet, he can’t move.

“ _Kamukuraaa ~ ,_ ” she sings songs. “It’s _rude_ to ignore people, you know. And I showed up here _just for you_ , only for you to be so _cold_.” He still doesn’t reply. “Come on, Kamukura. Kamukura? Kamukuuura. Kamukura! Kamukura, Kamukura, Kamukura, Kamukura – “

*

He wakes up with a jolt.

*

Today is a bonding day, which means they all participate in an activity together. This time, it’s board games. Monopoly, to be specific, as it’s one of the few that the Future Foundation sent them that can go on for a while.

Everyone shows up, including Komaeda, and he sits next to him as they all gather together. Souda sits on his other side, shooting him a worried look as he does.

“You okay today, man?” he asks.

He nods. “I’m good.”

He is. Although he didn’t fall asleep right away after returning to his cottage, he still got more sleep this time than he usually does and he wasn’t thrown into a series of tasks the moment he woke up. It’s objectively a good day, overall.

The game starts and he’s winning at first. It doesn’t continue for much longer, as Monopoly is a game that takes a while to finish and as it goes on it becomes repetitive. He feels a little bored, to be honest. So he stops trying. It’s more interesting if someone else wins. His bet is on Komaeda, but perhaps it’ll be his bad luck that acts up today. It’s difficult to say if he’s trying to win or not. Either way, whoever wins will enjoy the victory more than he does, as he realizes with some surprise that he doesn’t particularly care about winning the game. He’s not enjoying it half as much as he thought or hoped he would.

“Hinata-kun… are you feeling alright?” Komaeda asks quietly.

He nods. “I’m just a bit…” he frowns before continuing. “I feel strange. Everything is… kind of dull, I suppose.”

“Ah. Do you wish to leave then, Hi - … Kamukura-kun?” Komaeda asks hesitantly, unsure.

Is that what it is? And yet…

“‘Hinata’ is fine,” he says.

“Hinata-kun, then,” Komaeda nods.

He shakes his head.

“I don’t mind being here.”

It’s not unpleasant. It simply isn’t much of anything. It bothers him, to some extent, but also not as much as it probably should.

“Oi, dude,” Souda pokes at his shoulder from where he’s sitting to his left. “Are you listening? It’s your turn now! Give it your best but be warned, I _will_ be the one who wins this time!”

Souda isn’t the one who wins. Owari is, actually, much to the mechanic’s dismay. It’s not the outcome that was most likely, but it makes sense. She must have trusted her gut feelings to help her make the right decisions, and those rarely ever fail her. She is intelligent, more than people might give her credit for, since it’s not in your typical academic way. It’s still a valuable kind of intelligence, once that’s proved itself to be useful over and over again in the past.

“Congrats,” he tells Owari.

He wonders if he should smile. He should. So he does. It’s not very genuine though, so he quickly wipes the smile off his face. He doesn’t like smiling in a way that isn’t genuine. He doesn’t like feeling this way either, when they finally get a day to themselves, to just enjoy each other’s company and forget about the bad things.

They go in separate ways after they’re done playing. Owari, Nidai, Mioda and Pekoyama head to the pool. Saionji tags along with Koizumi who goes on a stroll around the island to take photographs. Kuzuryuu goes back to his cottage, Tsumiki is getting tea with Mitarai and the Imposter, Sonia and Gundham go to the ranch to look after the cows living on Jabberwock Island. Hanamura disappears quickly after grabbing some paper from the lobby. Komaeda leaves to who knows where. Souda drags Hajime with him to his workshop.

He’s fixing their broken microwave. Hajime is supposed to be there for help, but it seems like it’s not needed so he just watches his friend work and listens to him talk about everything and nothing.

“ – and man, I can’t believe we don’t have _socks_ in the Rocket Punch market! _Socks_! It’s obvious they should be there, they tear so easily!” Souda’s complaining.

It’s such a trivial thing to be worried about. That’s not a bad thing, though. Souda’s doing surprisingly well, like Hajime wouldn’t have expected him to. Perhaps he just forces the memories out of his mind and gives all his energy to living in the present. It might be easier for him to do, since from what Hajime knows, Souda’s parents weren’t there when he demolished his childhood house. He never had close friends he could hurt either. Countless people have fallen victims to him, but unlike the rest of them, he doesn’t have to live with the guilt of having killed the people closest to him.

“You guys are my first real friends. And you’re kinda… kinda like family,” Souda told him not long after they first woke up from the simulation. “So I have to try my best! To have a good life when I’m with you guys!”

And there are bags under his eyes and the shadows of the past linger around him, but he does seem happy, despite everything.

“I’ll tell Naegi to send socks with the next delivery of supplies,” Hajime assures him.

“Yeah! Thanks man,” Souda says. “Anyway, what’s up with you today?”

Hajime doesn’t reply and instead waits for him to elaborate.

“I mean… you’re kinda… spacey. Like you’re not really there, you know?” Souda tries to explain.

“Ah. I… feel somewhat strange today. My headache is gone, but my emotions seem much more dull today.”

“Oh man, so you’re feeling more Kamukura today?” Souda asks.

Hajime shrugs. “You could say so.”

He’s always Izuru Kamukura, just like he’s always Hajime Hinata, even now. But today… his memories from his time as Izuru Kamukura are more vivid, seem more like his than the ones from before, from the time when Hope’s Peak Academy still hasn’t opened his brain yet. He still has them, of course, but they’re more distant, in a way. Feel almost less significant. It’s confusing.

“Well… don’t worry, after a good nap you’ll be back to normal! Right?” Souda says, but he doesn’t sound convinced of his own words in the slightest.

“Probably,” Hajime agrees. He glances at the microwave. It seems like Souda is almost finished fixing it. Next to it lies one of Koizumi’s cameras. This one is one of her oldest ones but it broke during the Tragedy. She still kept in on her. “Do you want me to help?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, you can get started on the camera!”

It doesn’t take them long to finish working. Hajime goes back to his cottage and manages to sleep for a little.

He still dreams of the student council killing each other before his eyes. It makes him uneasy. More than it used to, less than it should now. _She_ appears in the dream as well, a toothy grin and a hand ruffling his hair. He feels anger then.

He doesn’t remember the dream very well after he wakes up.

It’s late in the evening already, so he heads to the restaurant where Sonia is already sitting by the table by the window, still working on the scarf she was knitting the last time.

“It’s almost finished,” he notices, taking a seat. “It looks like it’s going well.”

“Thank you, Hinata,” Sonia smiles up at him. “Indeed, I expect to be able to get this done today. I’m quite happy with how it’s turning out, too.”

“May I try knitting today as well?”

“Naturally! I’ve told you already that you should absolutely try that!” Sonia says, delighted. “This is why I always bring so much yarn. Pick what color you want and I’ll instruct you on how to make a scarf!”

He picks green and then Sonia goes into a detailed explanation of how to knit properly. It’s relatively easy, but requires a lot of focus, precision and patience. He can see why it relaxes Sonia. He’s doing quite well at it too, which is to be expected, but eventually, he starts feeling a sense of satisfaction, which is followed by surprise and then slight relief. Then, fear flickers inside of him for a moment because _why was I like that today, will this happen again_ , but he dismisses it and focuses on work instead. It won’t do him any good to worry about it now.

*

“Oh, oh! Maybe Ibuki should name the song _Drowning In Maple Syrup Is Far Better Than Drowning to Death_!”

“Uh… ah, sure?” Hajime says but it lacks conviction.

He tries to be helpful because Mioda looks very serious right now and finding the right name for her new song is clearly important to her, but he’s not sure he really gets her song-naming style. It’s not exactly what he’d name his songs if he was to release an album (Which, Mioda did try to convince him to collaborate with her and make one together since he’s great at music now as well, but it’ll have to wait until he works up enough bravery to try and work with her on a song after knowing what kind of music she likes to make).

“Or, or maybe! Maybe… _A Pancake in the Hand Is Worth Toasts in the Bush_!”

“I – what?” he blinks in confusion, not sure he quite gets it.

“What, is that not good enough? Then… hey, what rhymes with ‘pancake’?”

“Bake, snake, wake, fake, translate – “

“ _Fake Pancake Awake By A Rattlesnake_!” Mioda exclaims loudly with a proud tone.

Hajime considers it for a moment.

“That’s… not grammatically correct, but – “

“Who _cares_ . It’s _music_ , you know? That stuff doesn’t matter. I feel like that’s _the_ name of the song, so that’s what we’ll go with!” the girl says. “Thank you for your help, Hajime!”

He offers her a smile.

“Yeah, no problem. Can’t wait to hear the song.”

Mioda sits on the ground by the pool and leans back until she’s staring up at the sky.

“It’s gonna be _awesome_ ,” she says. “Ibuki will have another concert then. We all deserve some fun!”

Hajime isn’t exactly looking forward to listening to more of her music, but he still nods. “Saionji will be really happy to hear about your concert.”

And as if she heard her name being called, Saionji does appear in that moment, though she looks very far from happy and _sounds_ very far from happy as she runs towards them wailing and sniffling.

As she comes closer, Hajime notices how red the skin on her left cheek is and there seems to be a little blood on it. Alarmed, he quickly gets up from where he was sitting in one of the deckchairs.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I – I don’t know! _You’re_ the one with medical talent here, _you_ tell me!”

And she’s not exactly wrong but they also have someone with a natural medical talent here.

“Wouldn’t it be better to have Tsumiki look at – “

“ _Keep her away from me_!” Saionji snaps. Hajime takes a step back, startled at the sudden intensity of her anger. Saionji looks away then, suddenly embarrassed. “I mean – it’s not… it’s not a good idea to – she’s the one who did this. Because I was… I said some things and she slapped me. Then she panicked and now she’s probably hiding away in her cottage like a wimp.”

Hajime isn’t sure if it’s surprising or not. Tsumiki isn’t a violent person, but then again… out of them all, she was one of the most influenced by _her_. Perhaps it was only a matter of time before this happened.

“Alright,” he says with a sigh. “I’ll take a look at it. Mioda, would you go check on Tsumiki?”

“Okie!” Mioda agrees happily, though not without a hint of worry showing on her face.

Hajime gives her a grateful smile before turning back to Saionji.

He supposes it’ll take a while until they can all live completely peacefully on this island. Still, he thinks it’s worth the effort and he’s looking forward to seeing the day he’ll be able to say with confidence that they’re finally doing good.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes Hajime sees Nanami in his dreams. He wishes they would show him the times when they were friends who would meet up by the fountain and play games together, remind him of her kind words and advice coming from the heart, but instead he sees her bleeding out on the floor, so desperately trying to live, to see everyone she loves at least one more time. She wants to survive, to help her classmates, to have fun with them again. There is still so much hope inside of her but it’s being snuffed out along with her life, and all Hajime can do is stand there and watch.

He wants to move. He wants to stop this, to speak, to tell her that he remembers her now, that he knows who she is and that she matters to him, that he wants her to live. He wants to fix this and do what Izuru Kamukura couldn’t do since he didn’t even know he was watching the closest friend he had ever made die before his very eyes.

He doesn’t find his voice until Nanami is dead. Only then does he break down in sobs, tears pouring out and not stopping, his throat going hoarse from the screams that escape his mouth. He picks up her hairpin shakily and cries, his vision becoming blurry as he aches and grieves.

“Gee, what a drag,” _she_ mutters from beside him. “You were _way_ more interesting when you didn’t have your memories of being Hajime Hinata. No wonder Hope’s Peak wanted to get rid of your past self completely.”

Hatred burns inside of him as he looks up at her. She’s watching him with a bored, almost sad look on her face.

“ _Fuck off_ ,” he tries to say but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out.

She rolls her eyes and yawns loudly. “Well, this is no fun. Don’t you think you’re acting like, totally predictable right now? Doesn’t it feel _boring_? Or, no… it feels so hopelessly _super super super_ boring. Don’t you agree? That’s not good, now, is it…? You don’t want your life to become that way, do you? _Do you_?”

*

“Naegi mentioned he’ll be visiting us when the next ship with supplies comes in two weeks,” Hajime tells the others over breakfast.

“Huh? Do you think he has some big news to share with us?” Owari wonders.

Hajime shrugs. Naegi did say in his email that he had something he wanted to tell the Remnants, but he preferred to do it in person. Hajime doesn’t know what that something is though and whether it’s good or bad, so he tries not to assume anything yet and he isn’t sure if letting his friends come up with different theories would be the best choice.

“Oooh, perhaps he just missed us!” Mioda suggests.

Kuzuryuu raises an eyebrow at that. “Who would miss a bunch of terrorists?”

“ _Well_ … he _did_ save us,” the girl points out.

“I think it’s possible that Naegi simply wishes to see our progress and make sure everything isn’t going to shit,” Sonia says.

“I’m telling you, it’s gonna be big! Maybe he wants to throw a party for us!” Owari insists.

Hajime laughs lightly as he listens to his friends.

“I’m not sure if throwing a party is the reason,” he says. “I’m more with Sonia on this one.”

Owari frowns, obviously still not convinced, meanwhile Mioda crosses her arms and pouts, mumbling about the little faith they all have in Naegi’s bond with them. Kuzuryuu is looking at them with tired exasperation, though the look on his face softens a little when he hears Pekoyama chuckle.

“Maybe… they found our surviving family members…” Hanamura mutters as he approaches the table, a somewhat distant look in his eyes. He’s clutching a few pieces of paper in his hands as he walks up to where Hajime is sitting, then hands out the pages towards him. Hajime takes them, though not without confusion. “I did… write certain things down. Read those later. When… I’m not here.”

“Oi, this better not be anything gross or creepy!” Saionji glares at him.

Hanamura only manages a weak laugh at that, before retreating back to the kitchen. Saionji frowns at that, either surprised by the lack of reaction or disappointed by it.

“Jeez, what’s up with him today?” she wonders.

“Tough day, maybe?” Koizumi says.

“Aww, that’s too bad,” Mioda sighs. “Ibuki’s curious what’s written here though!”

She leans forward over the table, trying to take a peek at the pages filled with scribbles, but Hajime quickly folds them and hides them from the view, tucking them safely into his pockets. He doubts it’s for everyone’s eyes to see.

“Hey, Hanamura didn’t say he was okay with everyone reading this,” he points out.

“What? Oh damn, I really was curious though,” Mioda tells him, but she does back away.

It must be something to do with his breakdown earlier, Hajime suspects, but he’ll have to wait to find out.

“Well, that’s not important now. My question is when we’ll get to fixing the movie venue?” Nidai asks. “Souda! Are you up for working on it today?”

“Um… I don’t know, I’m a mechanic, you know, not a builder…”

“Believe in yourself more! If you stop with excuses, there is nothing you can’t do! And if we fail at fixing the movie venue the first time, then we just have to keep trying until we do succeed, no matter what it costs us! Even if we die!” Nidai protests, pointing a finger at Souda.

Souda laughs awkwardly, sounding a little frightened.

“T-That’s… a bit drastic. A-And maybe don’t… shout so angrily…”

Nidai quiets down, a guilty look showing on his face.

“I see. I apologize.”

“No it’s… i-it’s okay,” Souda assures him.

“You don’t have to apologize, coach, old habits die hard,” Owari says with a shrug.

Hajime isn’t sure what’s going on, so Sonia leans over to explain quietly.

“Souda and Nidai worked together for some time during the Tragedy. Nidai could be… very forceful, back then, when giving out orders,” she tells him.

“Ah. Okay,” Hajime nods. “Were you there?”

“They… visited the kingdom of Novoselic, at one point,” she says, her voice becoming a little strained. She shakes her head then and clears her throat. “Anyway, Tsumiki hasn’t shown up to breakfast, so I’m going to bring her food to her room. Would you like to come with me?”

“Sure.”

Sonia seems relieved at that. “Thank you.”

He picks up a few sandwiches and some fruits meanwhile Sonia makes tea. Tsumiki doesn’t answer the door right away, but eventually they manage to get her to let them in. When she does, she quickly stutters out an apology.

“I – I’m sorry. For causing you the t-trouble of having me food… And for – I didn’t mean to do that! N-No, that’s – I… did, but – I – “ she looks scared, her eyes wide and filled with tears.

“We’re not mad,” Sonia tells her. “But please, we need you to eat something.”

“O-Of course. I’m sorry,” Tsumiki repeats, taking the plate with food from Hajime as Sonia puts the mug with tea on her desk.

“No need to apologize,” Hajime reminds her.

“R-Right.”

“Would you like us to stay with you?”

“Um… if it – if that’s not a bother for y-you.”

“Naturally it isn’t a bother!” Sonia says firmly.

Tsumiki looks as if she’s about to cry when she hears that. She smiles up at them gratefully and after blinking the tears away she finally gets to eating. Hajime and Sonia tell her about their knitting attempts as she bites into the first sandwich and she listens intently. It’s after Tsumiki’s through with the second sandwich that Hajime decides it’s as good time as ever to ask now:

“Hey, Tsumiki, if you’re okay with telling us… what happened to make you slap Saionji?”

The girl tenses up but still answers:

“It was just the usual… but I… I don’t know w-why but I got really upset this t-time,” she’s silent for a moment, possibly to gather her thoughts, then continues. “I wanted her to stop. B-But she made another r-remark. So I… I – I just… made her stop,” her becomes colder as she finishes her explanation before it gets very quiet. “Does that mean I’m still a bad person?”

“Absolutely not!” Sonia shakes her head vigorously.

“You obviously feel guilty about it and you care about whether that was wrong of you to do. That’s a good thing, right?” Hajime points out.

Tsumiki blinks. “O-Oh. Is that so…?”

“I mean, do you feel good about hurting Saionji?”

“N-No!”

Hajime smiles at her. “Well, there you have it.”

“B-But…!” Tsumiki starts speaking but shuts her mouth. She has a look on her face as if she’s not sure if she should say what she has on her mind. Hajime waits and Sonia reaches out and gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. Eventually, she takes a deep breath and tells them. “I think… at the moment… a part of me did w-want to hurt her. N-Not that I still want to right now! It’s just! Back then…!”

“It’s okay,” Hajime says. “Thanks for telling us.”

“Yes, we are grateful,” Sonia agrees. “That was very brave and ‘epic’ of you to do.”

Tsumiki lets out a surprised giggle at that comment.

“Thank you both,” she says quietly, looking down but smiling hesitantly. Fear hasn’t completely vanished from her eyes, but she looks by far more at ease after talking to them. “I really appreciate it!”

“Of course! Now, tell me, Tsumiki, would you assist me to the Rocket Punch market? I need to pick up a few things from there,” Sonia says.

“A-Alright,” Tsumiki agrees.

“Splendid. Then, we shall get going now. Till next time, Hinata.”

He nods. “Yeah, see you.”

He’s not sure what he wants to do after he leaves Tsumiki’s cottage. He could go to his own, but the weather outside seems too good for that – it’s warm but not scorching hot, the sun in bright and there’s even a slight pleasant breeze he can feel against his skin. Perhaps he should go check on how Souda and Nidai are doing at the movie venue and offer his help. Or go look for Gundham. Hajime’s aware that the man doesn’t mind being alone, but it might be good to check up on him regardless, it’d be nice for him to have some company aside from Sonia, especially since she’s hanging out with Tsumiki at the moment.

Or maybe now he has a moment to read what Hanamura has written.

Before he can make up his mind, he catches a flash of white out of the corner of his eye and turns in that direction just in time to see Komaeda leaving his cottage and heading out of the hotel grounds.

He didn’t take the chance to talk to him about the things they need to talk to the last time they were alone, but maybe now’s a good moment.

“Hey, Komaeda,” he calls out.

Komaeda’s already by the gate but he stops, letting Hajime catch up to him.

“Well, hello there, Hinata-kun,” he greets him with a smile. “Is something the matter?”

“Yes, hi, um. Are you doing something right now?” he asks somewhat awkwardly.

“Well, I was just going to take a walk around the park, but I’m sure whatever business Hinata-kun has with me is more important and my walk can wait,” the other says.

Komaeda seems to mean it. He doesn’t appear annoyed or bothered. Quite the opposite, the small smile resting on his lips isn’t his default polite smile but rather a real one, and curiosity flickers in his pale eyes.

“In that case, do you mind if I go with you?” Hajime asks.

“Ah, not at all,” Komaeda shakes his head. “Please feel free to join me if you wish.”

He’s acting friendly, without a trace of hostility and Hajime almost wants to say that that’s unlike Komaeda, but that statement wouldn’t be quite true. Because… it’s not that Komaeda isn’t friendly, really. It’s just he’s pretty unfriendly as well. There are many contradictory things about him.

They walk to the park without speaking. Thankfully it’s not too awkward as Komaeda looks content with the silence and Hajime is grateful for the short extra time it gives him to think about what he wants to say. Not that it makes it much easier to sort out his thoughts and prepare how to put the questions he has well.

“We’re here, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says somewhat unnecessarily when they reach the park. “If you wanted to talk to me, Hinata-kun, I suggest we sit under that tree over there. It looks pretty comfortable.”

There’s something strange about him, but Hajime can’t quite put his finger on what it is. Is Komaeda nervous, maybe? He sounds cheerful and at ease, but he’s not the kind of person who really acts like what he actually feels most of the time.

He nods. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Komaeda smiles at him again and goes to sit at the spot he chose, Hajime following after him.

He wonders what’s the best way to approach the topic. He should probably just be blunt about it, but then again…

“Hinata-kun. Whatever it is you wanted to ask me, you don’t need to be overthinking it this much,” Komaeda says.

“Right. Sorry. So,” Hajime takes a deep breath and chooses his words carefully. “Say, Komaeda, how do you… feel about our current situation?”

“Our current situation?” Komaeda repeats.

“Yeah. You know… everyone being awake, staying on the island…” he trails off, unsure if he should say the next part but decides to continue “alive.”

“Ah,” realization hits Komaeda. “You’re asking this because the last thing I did in the simulation was try to get you all killed and you’re wondering if my mind about that changed.”

“Well… kind of, yes.” He doesn’t know if he would put it like that, but essentially, Komaeda isn’t wrong. “Are you – what do you think about the way things turned out?”

The other takes a while to reply. He’s half-frowning and his eyebrows are furrowed slightly. He looks focused, pondering the question.

“That’s…” he doesn’t finish his first thought and cuts himself off with airy laughter. “Ah, truth to be told, I don’t know, Hinata-kun.”

“You… don’t know?”

Komaeda shrugs.

“I guess that’s not the answer you were expecting or wanted. I apologize if it’s inadequate.”

“No, that’s not… it. Could – could you elaborate on that?” Hajime asks.

Komaeda leans back against the tree, making a cushion for himself out of his folded arms and looks up at the sky. He lets out a quiet sigh before speaking.

“Well… I’m not really sure how well I’ll be able to explain, but I suppose I can try…” he says. Hajime might be imagining it, but he sounds a little tired. “During our last days in the Neo World Program, I truly believed I was doing what’s right. I actually… thought I would be a hero, if my plan succeeded,” he laughs again, the tone of it bittersweet, amused and sad at the same time. “Of course, I still considered the possibility that it would fail, that’s why I recorded my video message in a way that would be understandable for everyone… I simply believed that the outcome would be the one that would create a bigger hope in the long run, because hope always wins. I just didn’t expect the outcome to be the one I didn’t want.”

He makes a pause and Hajime wants to speak because there are many things he still wants to ask the other about, but he feels like he’s not finished yet.

And surely enough, Komaeda soon continues.

“I got my memories back when I woke up. It’s… certainly strange. My views changed a bit over the course of the last few years, you know? And yet, being reminded of how strongly I believed that – ah, never mind. The point is… I’m not sure how I feel about how everything turned out. But… it’s the ending that Makoto Naegi tried so hard to give us, and who am I to disrespect the Ultimate Hope’s effort and wishes?”

“Is that the only reason you don’t mind this ending?” Hajime asks.

Komaeda hesitates. “I… don’t dislike it,” he admits. “It’s quite nice, actually. I’d like to think that maybe by becoming despair itself, but then overcoming it and working towards a future we’re… creating… true hope…? Because… if we can turn our despair into hope than… hope truly will defeat any sort of despair, right? Still… I don’t believe this is an ending we deserve. And I don’t feel like any of us should be forgiven. But… if this ending is the one that both my luck _and_ Naegi chose, then I was thinking that maybe I can allow myself to settle for this.”

Then, he turns to look at Hajime and chuckles awkwardly.

“Ah, that was quite the lengthy explanation, my apologies,” he says.

Hajime thinks about what Komaeda’s just said. It makes sense, considering what Hajime knows about him, that he would feel that way. It’s honestly better than what he had been expecting.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you explained,” he says.

“Is that all, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks.

“I think so.”

The other hums thoughtfully. “Ah, but if the point of asking that was to find out if you should be concerned about me being here, then I don’t think you should let what I just said assure you, do you? After all, I’m not a very trustworthy person, Hinata-kun. I’ve done a lot of things in the Neo World Program that you deemed questionable before I even found out the truth.”

“I don’t know if I can blame you for the way you acted in a killing game that _I_ set up,” Hajime says. “And it’s not that I’ll just stop being cautious altogether. _Any_ of us can go haywire at any moment, I know that.”

“I see. If that’s the case.”

Komaeda closes his eyes and relaxes and it makes Hajime think of the early days in the simulation, before anything happened, when they could spend time together without having to worry about things like that.

“Hey, Komaeda?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? To be able to hang out like this and get along like we used to, without having to think about deaths and killing,” he says.

Komaeda considers it for a moment. “What’s your point, Hinata-kun?”

Hajime shrugs, even though the other doesn’t see it. “Well, I was just thinking… I did tell you you’re free to spend time with me when you want, but I was also hoping we could maybe be… friends, again?”

At that, Komaeda’s eyes snap open and he stares at Hajime in a mixture of surprise and confusion. He blinks slowly, his gaze intense as if he’s trying to determine something, the corners of his lips turned downwards.

“I’m… not sure why you’d want something like that. But personally I don’t mind, I suppose…” he says, hesitant.

“Awesome,” Hajime grins and extends his hand towards the other. “So. Peace?”

Still looking unsure, Komaeda reaches out and takes his hand.

“I guess so,” he agrees.

They don’t talk much after that, simply sitting under the tree in each other’s presence, but Hajime feels content. Happy, even.

It’s a good day.

*

_All that happened is Enoshima’s fault_ , the first line reads, and Hajime automatically tenses up upon seeing that name, even if it was to be expected that Hanamura would mention her at some point in what he’s written down on paper. _That horrible monster forced us to watch our class rep die a horrible brutal death. It would mess anyone up! It wasn’t our fault that we all crumbled, especially since she used Mitarai’s skills to influence us even more. I don’t like remembering it, I wish I could say it never happened at all, but I remember it much more vividly than I’d like to. It was horrid. We couldn’t look away, we couldn’t accept what was happening and yet we had to. I’m unable to properly describe how we fell into despair but it was inevitable. Seeing a good person that you know personally get tortured to death would break anyone. It’s not that we were weak or bad, we were just high schoolers and we just wanted normal lives._

_Enoshima talked to us afterwards. It was horrifying, how she knew exactly what to say to take advantage of our unstable state. We were scattered in pieces and she made sure to make it so they couldn’t be put back together. She kept us there for a long time and told us to embrace our pain, to learn to love it, to give in to it._

_It sounds ridiculous but it was extremely tempting at the time. None of us were thinking clearly and none of us_ wanted _to suffer the way we were. To be able to be okay with that… anyone would take that chance. So we had no choice but to listen._

_I don’t remember everything she told me. But she managed to convince me that the only way to feel better was if the world felt the same despair I did. A part of me believed her then. ~~But I~~ ~~It’s not that~~ I didn’t want the world to be destroyed, I just wanted a way out, to have any option of what to do. And she handed a way to us. How could we make a different choice!? We just listened. All she said sounded convincing and she told me about how wonderful having despair all around and inside you could feel, what an exciting feeling it was. That was easier to accept than pain. So another part of me believed her._

_Even if we never joined her, Enoshima had a plan. She would end the world with or without us. She even said so herself! And she told me, sometime after Nanami’s execution, about how much the world would despair. And I can’t deny, it felt somewhat exciting, knowing others would feel what we did. Still, of course I did think about the Hanamura diner and about momma back at home._

_Enoshima said that Tragedy would destroy all. The Hanamura diner_ and _momma. She would die. A horrible, horrible death, worse than I could ever imagine. She would suffer even more than I did and the only way to help her was to show her mercy and kill her painlessly as possible before the worst part came._

_~~I didn’t It was Enoshima who killed~~ _ _What was I supposed to do, let her die a death like Nanami’s? I protected her. I made sure she’d suffer less than others! ~~But The cost was that The only way to do so was~~_

_I killed her._

_I killed others too because it was a mercy killing, right? Giving food to a starving person is just a temporary solution, a false hope, isn’t it? So I gave them a permanent solution. Because if that wasn’t the right thing to do then ~~why did I kill~~ that would mean momma died for nothing. It was horrible and I hated myself, I really did. It felt strangely freeing to despise myself. But then it went on and I forgot why I even was doing it in the first place. And then I just kept doing it. I ~~t even felt fun~~ The despair was too addicting. And in mom’s honor, I needed to open up a successful diner, still, so I combined the two. I didn’t see what else I could do then._

_~~But still It’s not I didn’t do anything~~ _

_It’s Enoshima’s fault. ~~~~_

_~~So no one can It’s not me who’s to I didn’t~~ _

_I’m sorry._

*

“Hanamura? Do you… want to talk?”

“Talk? Talk about what, Hinata?”

“About what you wrote.”

“Wrote…? I don’t remember writing anything.”

“Right. Still… if you do remember… feel free to find me.”

*

A pile of books topples off the shelf, a few of them falling right onto Komaeda’s head, who simply blinks up at them while Hajime tries to catch as many as he can (which isn’t many, considering humans only have two hands). One of them lands on the man’s right foot, causing him to wince slightly. However, as he bends down to pick it up, a pleased look of surprise appears on his face.

“Heh, it’s actually the book I wanted to reread! What a fortunate coincidence!” he exclaims happily. “It shouldn’t be too dangerous either, since that little bit of good luck is a result of me getting hit in the head which can rather count as bad luck. What do you think, Hinata-kun?”

“Yeah, I don’t think you need to worry,” Hajime assures him, putting the rest of the books back on the shelf carefully. “Are you okay though? You just got hit on the head multiple times in a row.”

“Yup, no need to be concerned about it. And hey, even if I get worse, it’s not that big of a deal since I’m with such a talent individual at the moment, Is it?” Komaeda asks cheerfully.

“I’m… not sure if that was sarcastic or not.”

But the other doesn’t answer (of course he doesn’t), instead picking up another book and waving it at Hajime before striding towards the nearest table. Is the other book meant for him then? He goes to join Komaeda by the table and his assumption is confirmed when the guy pushes the book towards him.

“You should read this one,” he says. “I’m curious what you’ll think about it.”

“Is it a book you liked then?” Hajime asks.

“Well, it starts out pretty slow but the dialogue is quite well written. Mostly, I just think the characters are very realistic and relatable. You might find that interesting,” he answers.

There’s an illustration on the cover, made in light and pale colors. It’s a stream in a forest, surrounded by bushes and tree. There’s a large stone sitting where the water meets the dirt and there’s a girl in a white dress and with long hair resting on it, her lips forming a sad smile.

He glances at the book Komaeda’s holding.

“What is yours about?” he asks curiously.

“Hmm? Ah, this? A simple murder mystery. However, what’s fascinating is that it takes place on an island and the people trapped there are all guilty of certain crimes. Sounds almost eerily familiar, doesn’t it?” he finishes speaking with a wide smile.

A cold chill runs down Hajime’s spine.

“Uh.”

“So you can understand why I wanted to read the story again after I remembered that I’ve read such a book before. I thought it to be quite intriguing, you know?” Komaeda laughs. “But I believe we shouldn’t talk any longer and just start reading instead.”

“Ah, okay,” Hajime agrees.

Just like Komaeda said, the story really does start out slow. First scenes introduce the main character, a young man with no characteristic features whatsoever, who’s walking through the woods on a peaceful morning. Several pages are filled with description of his surroundings and the protagonist’s thoughts on himself and the world. He finds the world beautiful, full of wonders and good and everything and everyone and he’s full of curiosity towards the unknown. The stream appears a little later, when the main character stops by the water to quench his thirst. It’s then that he hears a soft singing in a voice so unlike anything he’s ever heard before that he decides it’s impossible for it to be human. Intrigued, he begins his search for the source. That’s when the girl from the illustration on the cover is introduced. A spirit of the woods, it turns out. Delicate and beautiful, accompanied by an aura of mystery, but apparently cursed to be forever alone. It doesn’t make the protagonist any less intrigued and he yearns to get to know her. Hajime picks up on subtle foreshadowing that it’s not going to end well for either of them.

He wonders if Komaeda is trying to imply something by telling him to read it. Is it supposed to be a warning, that trying to get close to Komaeda won’t bring anything good? He did agree to become friends again though, didn’t he?

It’s best to simply ask.

“Um. Are you by any chance trying to tell me something by giving me this book to read?”

Komaeda looks up from the story he’s been reading. “Huh? Whatever do you mean, Hinata-kun?”

Hajime can _tell_ he’s just playing dumb.

“I mean. Is the characters’ situation supposed to resemble ours?” he asks.

Komaeda blinks slowly.

“You know, Hinata-kun, what you’re reading _is_ a love story and it’s not being very subtle about it, so if you’re implying something of that sort then I’m not certain if I should first comment on your horrible taste or on how comparing someone to such a generic character isn’t the most romantic way to express – “

“That’s – I don’t – That’s _not_ what I’m saying and you know it!” Hajime cuts him off. “And hold up, didn’t you say earlier that you find the characters relatable?”

“You’re still in the first third of the book, neither of them had a much needed character development yet,” Komaeda says.

Hajime’s head is beginning to hurt from the conversation. Although perhaps it’s not just from that. (He might have to ask Tsumiki for painkillers later because it’s becoming a common occurrence). He opens his mouth to retort but it’s at that moment that someone else enters the library. Both of them turn to look towards the door, where Gundham is entering the building with a gloom look of his face. He stops for a brief second when he spots them, but then he scoffs and with a remark mumbled under his breath (Hajime can’t really make out the words but he’s pretty sure they get called “fiends”) he walks past them and hides deeper inside the library.

“Well, _that_ was mysterious,” Komaeda comments.

“Do you think we should check what’s up?” Hajime hesitates.

The other shakes his head.

“I believe if he chose to come here it means he wishes to be alone right now. It might be best if you ask him later if you think anything happened,” he says.

“Ah. Perhaps you’re right.”

“Yup. I’m glad you agree, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda smiles. Then, he sits up straighter and his eyes light up suddenly. “Oh but, what _is_ your opinion on the story so far aside from your speculations about my ulterior motives behind giving it to you?”

Hajime shrugs.

“It’s… okay?”

“That’s not very elaborate,” Komaeda points out, still smiling.

“I _know_. It’s just… the writing is decent. It doesn’t seem too original for now though. Oh, but you were right about the dialogues,” he tells him. “At least a wide range of nice vocabulary is something the protagonist has going for him.”

“Heh, I’m a little surprised you’d find that impressive. Is the Ultimate Dictionary not one of your countless abilities?”

Hajime narrows his eyes at the other.

“Are you trying to mock me?”

“Hinata-kun, do you think I would do such a thing?”

“Yes.”

“Anyway, as much as I’m enjoying myself, I got kind of hungry, so I think I’m gonna head to the restaurant now,” Komaeda completely ignores his response. He closes his book and picks it up before giving Hajime a small wave before exiting. “See you later, Hinata-kun.”

Hajime is convinced that Komaeda is probably looking very smug right now that he can’t see his face anymore. You’d think someone with so much admiration for talent and such low self-esteem would have a lot of genuine respect for other Ultimates but genuinely respectful is not who Komaeda is, things with him are always more complicated.

On the other hand, maybe that’s a good thing. If you look at it through an optimistic lens, being a smug bastard is the first step of becoming more confident in yourself.

Hopefully.

With a slightly exasperated shake of his head, Hajime gets up and leaves the library. It’s getting pretty late already, so after stopping by his cottage to drop off the book there, he heads to the restaurant with a laptop and creates a new word document where he writes down the changes, the patterns and the progress in the fellow Remnants’ behavior. It feels weird to be writing all of that about his friends but the Future Foundation likes to feel informed and Hajime isn’t in a place to argue with them.

Sonia joins him later. This time she doesn’t bring anything with her, instead she pours herself a glass of wine from the restaurant’s kitchen and sips it in silence.

“A rough day?” Hajime guesses.

He could probably use a glass of wine as well if it wasn’t for the fact that the one time he did try drinking wine it tasted like a bitter cough syrup and left a very bad first impression on him.

“It could have gone better,” Sonia says. She’s silent for a while, and Hajime decides not to press it, assuming she’ll continue without being prompted to if she wants to. And she does, after a few minutes pass. “Gundham almost had a cow run over Hanamura today.”

“Oh. That’s… new.”

“Hanamura joked about making steaks out of the cow, which upset Gundham greatly because it’s an act of betrayal to eat the animal you’ve given a name to and took care of,” she explains. “I reminded him that he swore not to make animals do anything they don’t wish to do for his benefit again like he did during the Tragedy. I think it must have upset him greatly and I should have talked to him afterwards but instead I ordered him to leave. I’m worried I might have been too harsh.”

“Oh. So that’s why he appeared in the library looking rather unhappy,” Hajime realizes.

“Yes, that must have been because he got temporarily exiled from the ranch.”

Hajime blinks in surprised.

“Isn’t that a little extreme?”

“Subjects only listen when they know the punishment for disobedience is harsh,” Sonia answers automatically, but then she looks down with guilt showing on her face. “However, I am not a queen anymore and none of you are my subjects. I treated Gundham unfairly, especially since I did nothing about Tsumiki slapping Saionji earlier.”

It’s difficult to blame her over something like this, when Hajime himself struggles dealing with everyone on the island. It’s not an easy task, trying to find the best solution every time an issue arises and trying to decide just how much he can expect of others to do.

“If you feel bad about it, I think what you can do is just talk to him about it,” he says.

Sonia sighs. “I know. I will do that tomorrow. For now I simply wished to… take a little break.”

“Fair enough. We should both get rest when we can, especially since things will probably get more hectic when Naegi visits.”

Sonia gives him a tired smile and raises her glass as if to raise a toast.

“To us keeping our sanity,” she says and makes a motion of clinking the glass against another even though there’s just air.

Hajime returns the smile and hopes that toasts work occasionally.

*

He dreams of a huge mirror and a strange reflection glaring at him. It gazes into his soul and he stares right back, feeling uneasy as he tries to recall who it is he’s looking at.

It takes more time than it should for him to realize he’s staring at himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit longer to post than I thought it would, sorry for the wait! The last two weeks were really busy for me and this chapter was pretty difficult to write. I hope you'll enjoy it though!

It would be a bit of an overstatement to say the movie venue is _fixed_ , in the same way it would be an overstatement to call a bleeding finger healed after slapping a band aid over it. The hole in the wall is still there, except now it’s covered by wooden planks from both sides. It creates a rather ugly image but it works, especially since they’re on a tropical island and the cold getting in isn’t an issue. The chairs that got blew up are now replaced with metal ones that look very modern and fancy but don’t seem quite fitting for a place like this. Still, it’s sufficient and possibly the best that could be done with the available materials.

“Decent work, thank you,” Hajime tells Souda with a nod.

Souda scratches the back of his neck awkwardly with a rather discouraged expression on his face. “Decent, huh…? Well… Nidai and I really _did_ work pretty hard on it, so to be honest I was counting on a more enthusiastic response.”

“We worked until we collapsed!” Nidai roars in agreement.

“You… didn’t need to do that. But I do appreciate your work and you did well. What else do you expect me to say?” Hajime asks.

Souda huffs in frustration.

“I don’t know, man, just sound more genuine or say it was a _great_ job or something!” he says.

Hajime frowns. It’s not that he’s not grateful to them for taking care of the movie venue, but it’s not like they did something _outstanding_ and he’s not a fan of false praise either. Besides, he’s not exactly in mood for pleasantries and dragging things out longer than necessary, not with today’s tight schedule.

“Eh, whatever,” Souda shrugs. “Can’t blame you for not bothering with being nice, I guess, I mean you’re still affected because of that _that guy_ , right?”

Hajime tenses up and an uneasy feeling squeezes inside his stomach.

“That guy?” he repeats.

“Yeah, you know,” Souda makes a vague gesture and lowers his voice as if the person he’s talking about isn’t still there hearing what he’s saying. “Kamukura.”

The unpleasant feeling intensifies and Hajime isn’t quite sure what it is exactly but he wants to leave.

“You’re making it sound like Izuru Kamukura is some sort of a villain,” he says.

“I mean, isn’t he…?” Souda asks.

His jaw clenches slightly.

“Aren’t you?”

Souda looks a little stunned at that, his eyes widening. Then, his eyebrows furrow and he opens his mouth as if to say something in response but hesitates, unable to find the right words.

“Oi,” Nidai is the one who speaks instead. “Now is not the time for fighting. All of us have things to do today, don’t we?”

That’s right.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to see Pekoyama in about ten minutes now,” Hajime says. “I’ll just get going.”

“Fine with me,” Souda mutters, looking away.

Hajime nods, somewhat stiffly, then waves Nidai goodbye and turns on his heel before heading for the exit. He walks quickly since he and Pekoyama are meeting at the beach on the first island. It’s not the shortest walk, but he can move pretty fast so thankfully it’s not an issue and he’s able to get there on time. She’s there already, sitting under a palm tree, waiting with her bamboo sword in her hand and a spare one for Hajime lying on the sandy ground.

“Morning,” he calls out to her, putting aside the feeling of uneasiness.

Pekoyama stands up, picking up the extra sword with her free hand and she turns around to face him.

“Good morning,” she greets him as well, handing out the sword towards him. “Are you ready to duel?”

“I certainly hope so,” he says, taking the sword.

Pekoyama nods. “Then let us begin.”

Training with Pekoyama is interesting. Hajime possesses a talent the same as hers, although it’s true that natural talent can’t be competed with. However, aside from Izuru Kamukura being the Ultimate Swordsman, he was also given other talents that are helpful in a swordfight. Then again, he can’t focus as well as he remembers being able to at some point (perhaps due to the fact his mind isn’t clear of his old memories, attachments and interests anymore). All things considered, their chances of victory are even. It makes their practices together something he often looks forward to.

He wins the first duel. A small smile crawls its way onto is face, even if their chances are usually even, Pekoyama’s victory count is still higher than his and it’s pretty satisfying to be able to beat the Ultimate Swordswoman herself.

“If I need three more times we’ll be even,” he points out, feeling a little lighter now.

“You are a worthy opponent,” Pekoyama says. “Would you agree to a rematch?”

“Sure,” he nods.

They duel again, the swords clashing and Hajime’s pretty sure that he catches a glimpse of Pekoyama’s smile. It’s good to see a confirmation that she’s having fun, even though logically he already knew that since she was the first to approach him and ask if he’d like to train with her. They didn’t have a lot of time to get to know each other back in the Neo World Program but he is quite positive that they’re friends now. Everyone on the island is, probably. If not friends than at least bonded, sharing some sort of understanding that comes from shared experiences.

This time the duel ends with him lying in the sand, the end of the bamboo sword against his throat.

“Congrats,” he croaks out, tired.

“Thank you,” Pekoyama says.

She moves the sword away and reaches out her hand towards him. He takes it and she helps him stand up.

“Your technique and reflexes are both good but you seem to get tired rather quickly,” she points out.

“I know. Side effects of not having my brain emptied out anymore, perhaps,” Hajime guesses.

There’s a sound of a quiet applause behind him all of sudden, startling both him and Pekoyama.

“Still, it was a rather splendid fight,” Komaeda comments as he walks towards them.

Hajime blinks in surprise. “Komaeda. When did you show up?”

Komaeda laughs awkwardly, which he sure does a lot, and raises a hand in a gesture that looks almost defensive even though no one is attacking him.

“Ah, I’ve been here for the past few minutes but I didn’t want to bother you while the two of you were still busy so I stood further away,” he says. Then, he turns to look at Pekoyama. “By the way, it seems like Kuzuryuu was looking for you, Pekoyama-san. I’m pretty surprised, I would have assumed that he’d know about your duels with Hinata, considering how close the two of you are.”

To Pekoyama’s credit, she doesn’t look upset by the question or glare at Komaeda the way people tend to do when he comments on something a little too personal. A part of Hajime feels grateful for that.

“It simply hasn’t come up in our conversation,” she says, her answer polite but firm, communicating clearly that she’d rather not be asked more questions on the topic.

“I see,” Komaeda replies cheerfully. “Well, anyway, I came here because I was told you two would be joining the others in the dining hall to help prepare a welcoming party, which I wasn’t aware we were having! I was going to offer my help as well but I suppose it makes sense no one would want me near the dining hall after everything.”

Hajime feels a pang of guilt at his words.

“No, it’s – sorry, you don’t come to breakfast with everyone, I should have thought to tell you. You can come along though, I actually have something I want to talk to you about, just – I’m gonna take a shower first, but… see you in twenty minutes or something?”

“Alright, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda nods happily. “It’s a good idea, you _do_ smell of sweat right now.”

“Right,” Hajime mutters. He glances at Pekoyama. “Thanks for the fight today.”

“Of course,” Pekoyama says. “I should probably stop by my own cottage as well. Let’s talk again later.”

He was never a big fan of showers but they’re even stranger now, when he washes his hair and feels the scares on the back of his head, reminding him of the white lights of the laboratory, of scientists dressed in aprons looking at him like at an object rather than a person, of the pain and then the numbness caused by the preparations for the experiments. Even the water against his skin reminds him of the showers back at the facility.

Perhaps he should write to the Future Foundation and ask if it’s possible to install a bath in his cottage instead.

He gets dressed quickly and leaves, bumping into Komaeda as he walks out the door.

“Hinata-kun!” Komaeda perks up. “That was quick, shall we get going now then?”

“Yeah,” he nods.

Komaeda looks rather lively today. His face is relaxed, corners of his lips raised slightly and he’s humming quietly as he walks, hands in the pockets of his jacket. (He should stop wearing that jacket on a tropical island).

“So,” Hajime starts. “You know that Naegi is coming here later today, right?”

“Yup,” Komaeda confirms happily. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? That the Ultimate Hope himself would be willing to come visit someone like us! Doesn’t it make you happy, Hinata-kun? Personally I’m really grateful to be able to be in Makoto Naegi’s presence once again despite – “

“Yeah, that’s… what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”

Komaeda stops and blinks.

“What do you mean, Hinata-kun?”

It’s something that’s been on his mind for the past few days, as he spent time with the other. It’s not something that he spoke about earlier because it’s not a topic that he’s certain how to approach, but…

“I know that… you idolize Naegi and admire him a lot, but try not to overwhelm him, alright?”

“Overwhelm him…?” Komaeda repeats.

“What I mean is, with your admiration of hope and how… enthusiastic you can get about things… it can get a little too much sometimes, especially for someone like Naegi. And you _can_ act chill, you did that at the very beginning in the Neo World Program before – “

“Ah, so you’re asking me to act, then? And stay to the side and not be a bother?” Komaeda cuts him off.

There isn’t a smile on his face any longer, although he doesn’t look exactly upset either. The expression on his face would be best described as strange.

“That’s not how I meant for it to sound,” Hajime says.

“But it is what you meant?” the smile comes back, but it’s different.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, not sure what to tell Komaeda, because… it’s not that he didn’t mean that at all. He doesn’t want to make his friend uncomfortable either, he _doesn’t_ , it’s just –

“No need to look so worried, Hinata-kun, it’s alright. I know my place, I wouldn’t dare to scare the Ultimate Hope away. Besides, I can only consider it a high praise if you think my acting skills are good enough,” Komaeda interrupts his thoughts. The tone of his voice is weirdly blank. “Well, let’s hurry now or the others will finish working without us doing anything.”

“I - …yeah, that’s – you’re right,” Hajime says eventually and follows after Komaeda.

Among the people at the dining hall there’s Koizumi, who’s cleaning up the room and who Komaeda immediately goes to join, there’s Mitarai making the tables and Pekoyama hanging up decorations. After a moment of hesitation, Hajime goes to join her.

“Is there anything I can help with?” he asks.

“Hinata, hello again. Yes, actually. I wanted to hang these lamps right under the ceiling but I can’t reach it. You’re a bit taller than me, so maybe you’ll be able to do it,” she says, hanging him round green lamps that he didn’t even know they had stored on the island somewhere. Then again, there are a lot of strange things stored here.

“Yeah, leave it to me.”

He takes the lamps from her and after one last glance in Komaeda’s direction (Komaeda isn’t looking at him, seemingly absorbed in wiping the dust off the windowsills, but Hajime is sure he can feel his gaze on him) he climbs onto the chair Pekoyama has prepared and hangs up the first lamp.

“Did you and Komaeda have an argument?” Pekoyama asks.

Hajime looks at her with surprise.

“Um…”

“You separated immediately after arriving here and you were looking at him just now with concern, so that’s what I assumed,” the girl explains, perceptive.

Hajime hesitates. He’s not really sure what exactly happened between them just a moment ago.

“I’m not sure,” he admits, then moves slightly to the left to hang the second lamp. “You could say so.”

Pekoyama nods. “I see. You don’t have to tell me about it, I know very well that human relationships are quite complicated and can be difficult to talk about. However, please know that if you wish to talk, I can listen.”

Oh. He feels his heart warm a bit.

“Thank you,” he says. “Same goes for you, by the way. If there’s anything you need to talk about, you can.”

“Alright. Perhaps I will, although not yet,” she tells him.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

They’re finished with the lamps pretty quickly, but there are other decorations to hang up. Hajime glances at Komaeda a few more times, but the other is still avoiding his gaze or so it seems. Hajime feels like he chose a wrong option in a visual novel game or something of the sort and is now facing the consequences. He doesn’t have much time to dwell on it though as there’s still work to do and soon he and Pekoyama are somewhat unexpectedly approached by Mitarai.

“Mitarai, hey,” Hajime greets him. “Good to see you.”

“Yeah, I… I’m finished with making the tables. I – I figured I should probably help out, even if I’m not sure I’m gonna show up later today,” Mitarai says.

“Oh? Why?”

“It’s – I don’t know if Naegi would want to see me. Or if I – if I can face him. We didn’t exactly… part on great terms,” he explains, shifting nervously.

“Naegi doesn’t seem to be the type to hold a grudge against people,” Pekoyama says.

“I know.”

There’s a bit of an awkward silence. Mitarai looks around and then coughs.

“Is there – is there anything else I can help with? I’m supposed to go swimming with the Impostor later but he’s still helping Hanamura in the kitchen.”

It’s surprising to hear that they’re working on the dishes together, especially after what went down the last time, but it must be a good sign. The Ultimate Impostor is good with people, too, so maybe it’ll give Hanamura somebody to talk to if he ever decides to do that.

“Well, we’re still decorating the hall so you can help us with that,” Hajime tells him.

“Alright!” Mitarai nods. “What do I need to do?”

Along with Pekoyama they take a minute to explain what’s supposed to go where and soon they all get back to work. With an additional person helping they finish the tasks rather fast and the room looks ready for hosting a party. It’s already cleaned up as well, Koizumi and Komaeda gone.

Now’s not the time to worry. There are still things to do and Hajime should go help Mioda set up the music venue for karaoke.

*

Unlike Naegi, the rest of the Future Foundation doesn’t fully trust them yet, understandably so. They don’t let him come along and send a group of armed Ultimates in case something goes wrong, which is a code for them being there to knock out and restrain anyone who acts like they’re once again in despair. None of them on the island feel comfortable with that knowledge, but they’re not in the place to argue about that. Instead, it’s easier and more pleasant to focus on the good things that come with the ship, which are the supplies. There’s plenty of food – the ingredients Hanamura asked for, the candy Saionji requested, snacks that Owari likes, food for Gundham’s hamsters. There’s pottery equipment, ordered by Sonia, and new tools for Souda. Naegi was hoping to bring a therapist as well but Hajime had to decline as most of them either insisted that they didn’t want one or weren’t exactly ready to talk to about strangers about how they murdered their friends and family. Maybe one day.

“Was your travel here alright, Naegi-san?” Sonia asks.

She, Hajime and Kuzuryuu stayed to greet him. Owari, Nidai and the Ultimate Impostor are carrying the things from the ship to where they belong and the others should be waiting at the dining hall.

“It was okay, thank you,” Naegi says. “And have you guys been doing good?”

“As good as we could be doing, given our situation,” Kuzuryuu answers with a shrug. “Things have been mostly peaceful though, so I’d count that as a success.”

“We’re all trying to make a life for ourselves here,” Hajime says.

Naegi nods, a small smile on his face.

“That’s great, that’s the point. Though I am sorry that – “

“Have there been any relapses?” one of the men assisting Naegi cuts him off, looking straight at Hajime, his voice cold and harsh. “We need to know if any of the Remnants are showing sing of falling back into despair, especially considering the purpose of this visit.”

The purpose of this visit? It must have something to do with what Naegi wanted to announce.

“Everyone is still healing. All of us _have_ made progress though,” Hajime answers.

“That’s not the question. Is anyone at risk of falling back into – “

“None of us have regressed to our states from when we were under Enoshima’s influence. We can’t be expected to be fully healed after the brainwashing _and_ the trauma, which should be quite obvious,” Sonia says firmly. “However, I can hardly see why we should be rushed as the Jabberwock Island serves as a prison of a sort and we can’t go back to the mainland. Now, with that out of the way, we would like to ask Naegi-san and those who won’t start interrogating us to join the _sweet_ party that we threw together.”

After these words, she turns away and walks towards the hotel ground. The man who asked the questions looks like he wants to say something more, but Naegi gives him a pointed look and he stays silent, although not without a displeased look on his face.

“Yeah, we should get going, Sonia really isn’t someone you want to piss off,” Kuzuryuu mutters.

“If you have any questions, you can ask me later,” Hajime tells the people assisting Makoto.

“Will do that, Kamukura-san,” the man from earlier says.

Hajime nods and leads the others to the old building. A few of the people sent by the Future Foundation stay outside and the rest comes inside but settles on standing by the walls and watching, like moody eleven year olds at a school dance.

The hall looks good, especially with the lights off and only the glowing green lamps that he and Pekoyama hang up earlier chasing off the darkness. The smell of the dishes reaches his nostrils easily and immediately makes him feel hungry and he can see a few bottles of soda and orange juice standing on top of one of the tables along with a row of glasses.

“Alright, everyone pay attention!” Sonia calls out when she sees them walk in. “Makoto Naegi has arrived.”

There’s a sound of a brief applause from Mioda, meanwhile Owari marches over to them with a grin on her face and slaps Naegi on the shoulder.

“’Sup, hope boy. Nice of you to drop by!”

“Hello, Owari-san,” Naegi says a little awkwardly and then looks around the room. “Hello, everyone. The party looks really great.”

“Heck yeah it does!” Owari says. “We worked hard on preparing it, ya know? So let’s party now, the food is _great_ , you gotta try it.”

“We even have karaoke prepared for afterwards!” Mioda shouts excitedly. “You’ll come sing with us, right?”

“U-Um, sure,” Naegi says, sounding a little taken aback or maybe simply surprised.

“Okay, calm down everyone, if I remember right, Naegi had something to tell us,” Kuzuryuu reminds them.

In a matter of seconds, they all quiet down and wait in silent anticipation. Naegi resembles a deer caught in the headlights, but then he clears his throat and straightens his back as he looks at them and speaks.

“That’s right, I have an announcement, actually.” A small smile appears on his face before he continues. “So, Kyouko and I are getting married in about three months from now on and – “

“WOO!” Mioda lets out an enthusiastic yell before Naegi has a chance to finish.

“Huh, that’s it? So you just came here to boast?” Saionji scoffs, but then adds a quick “congrats” after Koizumi gives her a pointed look.

Naegi’s cheeks color pink but he clears his throat and continues.

“A-Anyway. What I’m getting at is, Kyouko and I talked about it and how all of you have been stuck here with no opportunities of seeing anything outside of the island and we agreed that if you wish to come, you can all feel invited to our wedding.”

Silence falls again. Hajime’s eyes widen slightly as he looks at Naegi with confusion. The others exchange puzzled looks.

“Naegi-san,” Sonia is the first one to speak. “We appreciate your offer a lot but we _are_ wanted criminals and if we were to be seen then – “

“Oh, no, I know we wouldn’t be able to hide the sixteen of you on the mainland without anyone noticing. The wedding will be taking place at the old Future Foundation building. It’s being rebuilt but it was agreed upon it wouldn’t be used for work now at least until Munakata comes back and can have a say in what happens to it, but the Future Foundation did agree to lending it for the event. Since it’s in the middle of the ocean and only the guests will be there, your identities won’t be a problem, although you _will_ be watched over if you agree to come.”

No one is saying anything, everyone still processing the information.

“You guys don’t have to decide now. I just thought I’d share the news and let you know there’s an option like that,” Naegi finishes awkwardly.

“Right. Thanks, and congrats on your engagement,” Kuzuryuu says.

Owari joins in then, nodding his head vigorously.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s awesome! Now let’s celebrate with some food!”

Naegi gets dragged further into the room by Nidai who starts telling him about Hanamura’s dishes and which ones he should _absolutely_ try. Naegi looks overwhelmed, but he listens and then picks up a plate and goes to put some of the food on it.

A small yawn escapes Hajime. He tried to take a nap before the party but he wasn’t able to fall asleep and ended up lying awake and staring up at the ceiling until he got bored of it and couldn’t stay still anymore. It’s too late to get rest now so he should just focus on enjoying the moment.

As the music plays, most of them start dancing. Hajime makes him way through the tiny crowd of a little over dozen people and stops at the table with refreshments.

“The blood of an orange?” Gundham asks as he notices the bottle Hajime reaches for. “Ha, that is weak in comparison to the tears of a phoenix.”

His glass just contains some sparkling water.

“Is it?” he asks.

“Why, of course. An orange is a mere fruit, nothing like a mythical creature,” Gundham says, finishing his water. “Now, excuse me, but I shall go and ask my princess of darkness to dance a waltz of death with me.”

The song playing isn’t exactly the type of a song that you dance waltz to. Still, Gundham walks towards Sonia and Hajime is left alone by the table, so he looks around the room. Hanamura is watching as people taste his dishes, the people being Naegi, Nidai, Owari, Impostor and Mitarai who decided to show up in the end but stays relatively far from Naegi. Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu are talking to each other in the corner of the room. Sonia and Gundham do in fact start waltzing. Komaeda sits to the side and doesn’t try to talk to anyone or even stand up from his chair. He seems lost in thought as he looks at Naegi, and although there’s a fair amount of adoration in his eyes, there’s also something else. He almost looks like he’s frowning. Hajime wonders if he should go and talk to him but it’s at that moment that Mioda runs up to him and takes him by the wrist, dragging him with her to the center of the room.

“Come on, let’s dance! Woohoo!” she yells.

Hajime feels a little dizzy and the room sways just a bit as Mioda jumps up excitedly and grabs his hand to swirl him around.

“Show me your ultimate dance moves, Hajime-chan! Ibuki will dance with everyone so if you don’t put in the effort you might lose!” she says.

He did not sign up for a dancing competition. Still, he decides to indulge Mioda for a bit and opts for doing a little breakdancing although he has to stop soon as that doesn’t help his well-being at all and additionally to things feeling kind of dizzy he can feel a migraine coming.

Well, at least his friends look impressed and several people join in, trying to beat him in coming up with cool-looking dance moves. He stands to the side and watches for a few minutes.

Eventually he moves away from people dancing and turns towards where he spotted Komaeda earlier. He’s about to approach him, but to his surprise he notices Naegi sitting down on the chair next to him. The man gives the other a nod as a greeting and Komaeda looks awestruck for a moment.

“Komaeda-san, hello. I actually had something to discuss with – “

Something in Komaeda’s gaze darkens and Hajime can feel himself freeze in place.

“Naegi-san,” Komaeda cuts him off. A smile crawls onto his face but it’s not a genuine smile and not even his fake polite one. It’s the kind of smile that foreshadows an elaborate monologue about hope, or revealing a vital clue in a class trial or threatening to blow up the island or – “I don’t believe someone like you should be stooping so low as to talk to someone like me. After all, I would hate to ruin the party by unnecessarily creeping you out.”

Oh. Something twists inside Hajime’s stomach.

Naegi looks startled and he opens his mouth to speak, his eyebrows furrowed in a concerned expression, but Komaeda stands up then.

“Actually, I feel quite tired today, so I think I’ll go back to my cottage earlier,” for a very brief moment, his expression softens. “Have a good evening, Naegi-san.”

Hajime wants to move, wants to stop Komaeda and convince him to stay, tell him that he’s not trash and shouldn’t be saying things like that, but –

Wasn’t he the one who told Komaeda to avoid talking to Naegi, even if this isn’t exactly how he meant that?

He feels a little sick but before he has the time to make up his mind, Komaeda’s gone already.

Crap.

Naegi notices him and walks up to him.

“Is he going to be okay?” he asks, sounding worried.

“I – maybe,” Hajime says, his throat dry.

“He might want to be alone for now but… someone should probably check up on him later,” Naegi says.

“I know. I – I’ll go after him in a bit,” he tells him.

He feels like he should go right now, but perhaps Naegi is right and Komaeda needs a moment to himself. Maybe he’ll snap if he sees Hajime now and it’s better to leave him on his own. Then again, just leaving Komaeda alone when he’s like that is something that makes an alarm bell ring inside his head.

“What would Future Foundation people do if he started acting alarming?” Hajime asks.

“They… would have to restrain him, if they decided he might pose a threat to others’ safety,” Naegi says.

Shit.

“Nevermind, I’ll go now,” he says. “See you later, Naegi-san and congrats on your engagement.”

The Future Foundation member from earlier shoots him a distrustful look as Hajime hurries outside but he doesn’t particularly care. He’s not in the mood to let it bother him. He exits the old building and looks around. After making sure Komaeda isn’t anywhere nearby, he heads for the guy’s cottage.

There’s no answer when he knocks on the door but when he presses on the handle he notices the door isn’t locked. Hesitantly, he pushes it open, hoping the other is inside.

“Komaeda…?” he calls out.

Komaeda is, in fact, in there, perched up at the windowsill and staring through the glass at the evening sky. He doesn’t react when Hajime steps inside, so Hajime clears his throat. For a moment there’s still nothing, but eventually the other turns towards him. He’s smiling, and it’s still that smile from the dining hall, the worrying one that makes it clear that he’s not okay. Hajime wants to reach out and help but he isn’t sure _how_. Komaeda would have to tell him, but Komaeda isn’t the type of person to do that.

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda greets him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check up on you. You left pretty quickly and you seemed… upset,” he says.

Komaeda tilts his head as if in confusion, though he doesn’t _seem_ confused.

“Huh? Isn’t that what I was supposed to do?”

“Look, I’m – “

“Ah, but it’s no problem, really. You know, sitting there in the presence of the Ultimate Hope – the _real_ Ultimate Hope, made me realize we really _are_ all unworthy of just partying with Makoto Naegi as if we’re equals and pretending nothing’s wrong.”

There’s this look in his eyes, the one Hajime has learnt to be wary of. Komaeda jumps off the windowsill and continues speaking.

“It made me think, you know? I said before that I want to allow myself to believe this second chance we all got is the true hope, but… _is it_? Hope comes from overcoming despair and we all _are_ despair, right? So if we never got defeated… what is even happening here? Aren’t we just risking hope losing, Hinata-kun, by allowing ourselves to go on?”

Hajime gulps.

“That’s not – we’re not despair, Komaeda. We’re people who fell victims to it and we _are overcoming it_ , like you said it should be done,” he says.

“Are we?” Komaeda asks. “Surely you’re aware none of us is in a very good state.”

“But we are healing,” Hajime insists. “All of us.”

He should have expected it. It makes sense Komaeda would start relapsing at some point, especially with how strong his ideals have always been and how horribly they got twisted by _her_.

He thinks about the people from Future Foundation, sent here in case this started happening to one of them during Naegi’s visit. Anger rises up inside him at the thought of them trying to restrain Komaeda. He’s just… lost. It’s not that he isn’t dangerous, Hajime knows very well that he is, but he can be reasoned with.

Komaeda laughs.

“But do we have the right to? Just acting like nothing happened, not taking any responsibility for all that we’ve done? I mean, isn’t that why you don’t go by that name anymore?”

“What?”

“Because it’s easier, right?” Komaeda grins, stepping closer. “It’s easier for you to have us call you ‘Hajime Hinata’, because it was Izuru Kamukura who was a Remnant of Despair, it was Izuru Kamukura who stood by as _she_ ruined the world and protected her from harm, it was Izuru Kamukura who set up the killing game, and Hajime Hinata did none of those things, right?” The tone of his voice gets quieter and more bitter with every word. “But who I’m looking at now isn’t the Hinata-kun I met in the Neo World Program, is he? It’s not like Kamukura-kun just disappeared, I can see you’re still there.”

“I never denied being responsible for any of those things,” Hajime says, trying to keep his voice calm. Getting into an argument isn’t what Komaeda needs at the moment. “I go by the name my parents gave to me rather than by what I was called by crazy scientists who decided it was a good idea to use a teenager’s brain to try and play god.”

“Is that it?” Komaeda asks. “You know, I also never went by the name that I lived with before during the Tragedy. Because it would be a shame for Nagito Komaeda to betray hope like that, even if it’s for its sake in the end, wouldn’t it? But it was me all along!”

“Komaeda – “

“And I shouldn’t get to try to erase that, should I? I mean, I agreed to become despair for the greater good that would be the outcome, so isn’t trying to change my fate cheating?” he’s beginning to sound desperate as he keeps talking. “Because if it can all just go ignored like that, then what was the point? Then why did that even _happen_ , _why_ did we become like that in the first place, if it was all pointless then _why_ – “

Hajime steps forward and pulls him into a hug. Komaeda stiffens and falls silent. Then, after a long while of nothing, his body starts shaking and it’s not until Hajime feels the left sleeve of his shirt that the other reluctantly rests his head on getting wet that he realizes Komaeda is crying. He tightens his hold on him and waits as he starts sobbing.

“ _She_ used us, Komaeda. _She_ was the true despair and she’s gone. We’re allowed to get better. We’ve done horrible things and we all _know_ that, but that’s why it’s our responsibility to help fix this world. We are allowed to have a second chance and we owe it to the world,” he says quietly, patting Komaeda’s back gently.

“…I don’t know what to think, Hinata-kun.”

“You have the time to figure it out.”

Komaeda doesn’t say anything to that and for a moment longer they stand there is silence, Komaeda still crying and Hajime just being there for him.

“I also came here to apologize,” he says after a while.

“…Apologize?” Komaeda repeats.

“I acted unfair towards you earlier.”

“You weren’t wrong.”

“But I made you uncomfortable, right? I told you I’d be your friend and then I hurt you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you hurt me, Hi – “

“It does matter,” Hajime insists. “So I’m sorry.”

Komaeda lets out another sob, a quieter one, and slowly pulls away. His face is glistening with tears, his eyes are reddened.

“I did mean what I said, Hinata-kun.”

“I know.”

“I do want to believe you’re right.”

“I know.”

Komaeda sits down on his bed and Hajime feels relieved. The stress caused by the other’s breakdown decreases, but now that he’s not focused on that the headache and dizziness from earlier come back, even stronger this time. Perhaps he should sit as well.

“I probably shouldn’t have dismissed Makoto Naegi like that though…” Komaeda mutters, more to himself than to Hajime.

He tries to answer, but as he looks for words to say, the room sways again. He should go to sleep soon. And take some strong painkillers.

“…nata-kun?”

Even Komaeda’s voice sounds strange now. That can’t be good either. Actually, it’s definitely not good, he knows what this is, he _knows_ , any second now –

He can feel the floor slipping from under his feet.

“ _Hinata-kun_!”

*

When he opens his eyes again, he’s faced with bright white light staring back at him. It’s a morbidly familiar sight that tugs at his instincts and makes him want to leave, but it’s at that moment that his memories and coherent thoughts catch up and he realizes he’s at the hospital.

“Oh, y-you’re awake!”

He blinks slowly and turns his gaze towards the voice of the sound. Tsumiki is looking at him with concern, now mixed with a hint of relief.

“Y-Yeah, I guess I am,” he utters.

God, he still feels like crap. The back of his head hurts, probably from where he hit himself when he fainted, and the migraine hasn’t gone away. There’s a sour taste in his mouth, similar to the one you feel after you vomit. _Did_ he vomit when he was unconscious…? How long was he out anyway? Did Komaeda carry him here? Wait. Komaeda.

“Is Komaeda okay?” he asks, trying to sit up.

Tsumiki rushes over to his side and stops him from his attempts.

“He’s alright, now please don’t strain yourself,” she says quickly. “He was here for a while, he – it seemed like… he was v-very worried. N-Naegi came to check up on you too, but, um… I t-think they’re talking now.”

“He skipped the karaoke,” is for some reason the first thing Hajime’s brain makes him blurt out. He cringes slightly at himself. “I mean. Do you know what they’re talking about?”

He wonders how the conversation is even going and if Komaeda is in a better state now than he was when Hajime visited his cottage.

“W-Well, I can’t – I d-didn’t want to eavesdrop… but Naegi did come to me earlier a-and asked if I… ah, no, I shouldn’t be saying this, especially if I’m r-right! S-Sorry!” she shakes her head. “F-Forgive me, but I think it’s best if you ask Komaeda. It’s not my place to share these things.”

Huh. He’s curious what this is about.

“B-But!” Tsumiki continues. “You n-need to worry about – about yourself!”

He blinks, startled by how suddenly her voice becomes more firm.

“Myself?”

“You passed out… I believe you really need to rest more.”

“I try to, but – “

“I-I mean… you should – it would be best if you used your talents less,” Tsumiki tells him.

“My talents…?”

“I think that’s… why you’re so exhausted. It’s not normal to have so many talents… I mean - ! Izuru K-Kamukura was designed to be able to withstand this amount of talents but… y-you’re different now and I don’t think your mind is taking this well.”

“Oh.”

It does make sense. It is what he assumed before, that his brain can’t handle him being the Ultimate Everything as well as it used to right after the project. It’s quite predictable, actually, that it would take a toll on him sooner or later even if he never got his memories and old self back.

“I prescribed you some medicine, but… please try to take a better care of yourself. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping and I know you won’t to h-help, but you can’t do it if you keep brining yourself to the brink of exhaustion.”

She isn’t wrong, he knows that, even if he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.

“T-That’s all! I’ll leave you to rest some more now, but please think about what I said!”

He’s not sure he even has a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry if there were any typos or mistakes, I wrote most of it while sleep-deprived.

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to leave kudos if you enjoyed reading! Comments are also greatly appreciated!


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